Living in a society in which alcohol is so prevalent is a struggle when you have primary biliary cholangitis (PBC). It seems like alcohol is everywhere for every occasion.
Recently, while being seated at a restaurant, I was offered a drink multiple times by a waitress, even after I refused. I felt like she did not hear me. I felt embarrassed. I did not want to go into detail at that moment. I shouldn’t have to explain PBC to a stranger every time I decline a drink, and I believe the general public expects me to drink.
If I am taken seriously, I feel judged by people, like I have an alcohol use disorder. People tend to assume that if you can’t drink, you must be in recovery.
Coming to terms with missing out
I miss having a drink or two. I want to have a glass of wine sometimes. I am a single mom of three boys, two of them teens. I have felt angry that I have PBC and can’t join in social settings and celebrations.
When I was first diagnosed, my hepatologist told me I could drink on special occasions, and he left it at that. In my life, there are frequently special occasions and things to celebrate. These can be anything, from a drink at a wedding, a special birthday party, a child’s graduation, a glass of wine after a long hard day, a cold beer during a baseball game or a shot of whiskey around a bonfire.
Learn more about PBC testing and diagnosis
Learning to feel my emotions sober
In a lot of ways I’ve had to learn how to handle my emotions raw, without any substance to mask them. Whether I’m happy, sad, frustrated or confused, I have to sit with my feelings while sober. It’s not a bad thing and for me, it’s not very hard, but there have been moments that I miss it.
The American culture I live in can be a lonely place, especially at my age, when you do not indulge in alcohol. I used to have a glass of wine once in a while, but the price I paid would include pain in my side and a huge guilt trip. In the last year, I’ve refrained from drinking completely.
I have recently considered looking into non-alcoholic beverages. I hear there are many more tasty options available than previously, though I haven’t investigated or sampled anything as of yet. As I have moved into Stage 2 of my disease, I have more fear and awareness, and I am trying hard to be healthy. I personally don’t think the risk is worth it, but I haven’t spoken to my doctor about it in a while.
The importance of listening to your doctors
If you have PBC and you’d like to consume alcohol, you should probably speak with your specialist and team of doctors and follow their instructions. We PBC patients know we shouldn’t consume much alcohol with any liver disease. PBC does not seem to discriminate, and my assumption is that we should probably stay away from alcohol even in moderation.
The silver lining is that avoiding alcohol has made me a stronger person and given me confidence that I can overcome so much on my own.
